Rainy Days

[Fliptastic29]

I hate the ending but i didn't know what to do.

[Fliptastic29]

(Outside)
A bombardment of wet artillery take aim,
drip, splash,
and engorge their prey.

A quick retreat towards a safe haven comences
but the defense have suffered to many losses.

(Inside)
Drum beats rhythmically roll into eloping ears,
as theraputic cancer,
masages the inner lobes.

The knowledge of what occurs and what does not is of no importance to those ,silent, inside.

Doors remained locked,
those alienated continued to feel the tenacious torture.

A hero appeared, ready to play the only game with no name, defying the irregular adeeming it as an unacceptable anomaly consequently ridding its poder* right then and right there.

The day brightened
but those who had felt the decay,
smelt the loose meat,
lost family
snubbed nevermore.

*Spanish word that means power.

[crazy a]

I dunno...it all seems...not "complicated" but..."verbally busy."

[Hannibal]

I dont know if it's good or bad when you have to provide a definition of your word after the poem.
But considering it was a word of another language, that's not too bad.
But I agree with crazy a.

To me - there were too many 'rich' words in there. It's like you went through a thesaurus and found an alternate word for EVERY word in that poem.
I don't really care for this.

A bombardment of wet artillery take aim,
drip, splash,
and engorge their prey.
A quick retreat towards a safe haven comences
but the defense have suffered to many losses.

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I really like that part... really really like it... after that - it was too much flash, and not enough of anything else (in my opinion)

[crazy a]

Re: foreign words and definitions.

I don't usually mind if a poem has footnotes to explain certain words or scenes or what have you. By the same token, a poem that's too full of them will most likely lose my interest.

If a foreign word is used in a poem that is otherwise in English, then I appreciate knowing what it means. BUT...I wouldn't have used a foreign word to begin with. If I was writing something that was supposed to have a certain feel, a Spanish or Mexican feel for example, then I might would use a Spanish word or two as I saw fit. And then define the words at the end in a footnote.

As far as elegant words in English I may not be familiar with, and if no definition is given, I figure I can always look it up later.

I don't think writing should be a complicated thing. I would equate it with a rock guitarist. You have guys who are technically and musically sound, they know all the scales, etc., and then you have guys who pretty much just go with it. Gene Simmons said to the effect that "...while it's important to know your instrument, ultimately you're not playing with your head, you're playing with your dick." And I think it applies to writing as well. It helps to have a good vocabulary, even an extensive one, but ultimately you're writing what you FEEL, it comes from the heart and gut. You don't have to do a lot of acrobatics all the time.